Light Bulb Humor


Here are some jokes for your pleasure. If you have some of your own, we’d love to add them to our list. JokeEmail

lp_light-bulb-collage

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That’s a hardware problem.

Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That’s a software problem.
A’: None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That’s proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
A’: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don’t last as long as light bulbs.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many [IBM] Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, “This page intentionally left blank,” and 20% of the definitions are of the form “A <…> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks.”
A’: Just one, provided there’s an engineer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
A’: Lawyers don’t change bulbs.

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester’s credit for it!

Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

Q: How many Harvard grads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
A’: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week’s discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile…

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: “Oh wow, is it like dark, man?”

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000

Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

Q: How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: At least three. (Notes: think height!)

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don’t like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10,000 – to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

Q: How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

Q: How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again.

Q: How many referral agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: one.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We don’t know. They never get past the feasibility study.

Q: How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, because people who glow in the dark don’t need light bulbs.
Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle… and one to change the bulb.

Q: How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it’s already burned out).
A’: It’s out?? Sell my G.E. stock NOW!

Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan’s light bulb?
A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.

Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into.

Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 101. One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else to change light bulbs too.

Q: How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?”

Q: How many surgeons does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: 3. We’d also like to remove the socket as you aren’t using it now.

Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Libertarians never change light bulbs, because someone might enter the room who wants to sit in the dark.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fewer and fewer all the time.

Q: How many believable, competent, “just-right-for-the-job” presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It’s going to be a dark 4 years, isn’t it? 

 

Remember to smile every time you see a light bulb.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.